Seeking answers yet again…
As of right now, I have written 22,070 words towards my novel! Only 27,930 more until I hit the 50K NaNoWriMo goal.
It’s been an interesting week. I started off strong with my original idea and I was pretty excited about it. But I kept adding to the basic plot line. What I had didn’t seem like it would be “enough.” I tried not to panic but I had written over 15,000 words already and felt like I was writing myself into a corner.
Shut up and take your own advice!
This was a big week for me. I completed my new website! I have been thinking about this since June. Originally, I planned to finish it by the end of August. That deadline came and went. Then I mired through some dark times where I only had enough energy for the absolute “have to dos” in life. It got pushed back until recently.
It seemed like each night I worked on it, I did okay until I ran into some technical difficulty. Or it didn’t look the way I wanted it to but I couldn’t figure out how to fix it. I stopped at that point and put it aside. And then amazingly, the next day I suddenly got a new idea of how I could approach the problem. I tried it - and it worked!
I’ve heard that if you pose a question or problem to yourself in an intentional way as you’re going to bed, your mind will try to solve it as you sleep. In my case, it wasn’t so much a calm conscious thought as it was - Why can’t I get this BLEEPING thing to work???
But on Friday, I completed it!!! I hit that publish button, quickly checked it over a few more times, and made some minor adjustments. And then I started to share the news. I’d reached a milestone! And how did I celebrate?
I let someone see the real me...
On Wednesday night, Scot said to me: “Can you believe that a year ago tonight, we were at Pat O’Brien’s piano bar?”
I couldn’t believe that a whole year had gone by since we were in Florida. We’ve gone to this piano bar several times, and it’s always so much fun. Two players share the stage and take requests all night. Last year, we had a great time as usual. But when I think back to that night, another memory haunts me. That night I had my first panic attack in years. And worse than that, it was the first time Scot saw me having one.
There was work being done on the highway, so the lanes were out of sorts and the road itself was bumpy. I get motion sickness very easily, so this bothered me. But instead of just feeling queasy, I started to panic. The breakdown lanes were closed, and I didn’t know how long the road work continued. There wasn’t anywhere to stop.
I felt trapped.