Writer & Creative Soul
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I’m not ready to go back to "before"
This past year of the pandemic was awful and filled with fear, loss, stress, and anxiety. I hope this never ever happens again. But as an introvert, I must admit - there were a few things about this time that I’m glad happened.
We’re all in this together
The world came to a standstill last March. No matter who you were or what you did, your life was affected in some way. There was a shared feeling, a sense of “us,” that fell over everyone as we waited to see what was going to happen next.
Seeking answers yet again…
As of right now, I have written 22,070 words towards my novel! Only 27,930 more until I hit the 50K NaNoWriMo goal.
It’s been an interesting week. I started off strong with my original idea and I was pretty excited about it. But I kept adding to the basic plot line. What I had didn’t seem like it would be “enough.” I tried not to panic but I had written over 15,000 words already and felt like I was writing myself into a corner.
Shut up and take your own advice!
This was a big week for me. I completed my new website! I have been thinking about this since June. Originally, I planned to finish it by the end of August. That deadline came and went. Then I mired through some dark times where I only had enough energy for the absolute “have to dos” in life. It got pushed back until recently.
It seemed like each night I worked on it, I did okay until I ran into some technical difficulty. Or it didn’t look the way I wanted it to but I couldn’t figure out how to fix it. I stopped at that point and put it aside. And then amazingly, the next day I suddenly got a new idea of how I could approach the problem. I tried it - and it worked!
I’ve heard that if you pose a question or problem to yourself in an intentional way as you’re going to bed, your mind will try to solve it as you sleep. In my case, it wasn’t so much a calm conscious thought as it was - Why can’t I get this BLEEPING thing to work???
But on Friday, I completed it!!! I hit that publish button, quickly checked it over a few more times, and made some minor adjustments. And then I started to share the news. I’d reached a milestone! And how did I celebrate?
I let someone see the real me...
On Wednesday night, Scot said to me: “Can you believe that a year ago tonight, we were at Pat O’Brien’s piano bar?”
I couldn’t believe that a whole year had gone by since we were in Florida. We’ve gone to this piano bar several times, and it’s always so much fun. Two players share the stage and take requests all night. Last year, we had a great time as usual. But when I think back to that night, another memory haunts me. That night I had my first panic attack in years. And worse than that, it was the first time Scot saw me having one.
There was work being done on the highway, so the lanes were out of sorts and the road itself was bumpy. I get motion sickness very easily, so this bothered me. But instead of just feeling queasy, I started to panic. The breakdown lanes were closed, and I didn’t know how long the road work continued. There wasn’t anywhere to stop.
I felt trapped.
Newsletters - 2021
Time races on and I’m trying to keep up - December 12, 2021
Treading holiday waters to stay afloat - December 5, 2021
When it’s hard to be a fly on the wall - November 28, 2021
Why I needed that moment of peace and hot chocolate - November 21, 2021
Sunday night updates and swimming leaves - November 14, 2021
The not-so-pretty things that pictures from a trip don’t show - November 7, 2021
Playing out of tune for far too long - October 31, 2021
Things I need to keep telling myself - October 24, 2021
How I’m connected to an ex-con - October 17, 2021
How are you doing…really? - October 10, 2021
A sparkling moment of joy - October 3, 2021
The countdown begins and so does my story - September 26, 2021
10 hours, 7 states, many playlists, 1 car, and me - September 19, 2021
Where were you that day? - September 12, 2021
My latest obsession - September 5, 2021
Late night crickets in my head and outside - August 29, 2021
How I was different last time - August 22, 2021
Three times I’ve been proven wrong - August 15, 2021
I’m currently the in-between goo phase - August 8, 2021
Turns out the pain is still there - August 1, 2021
What are your dreams trying to tell you? - July 25, 2021
Oops, I made some people uncomfortable - July 18, 2021
Many different kinds of light - July 11, 2021
Look back to look forward - July 4, 2021
An eye-opening afternoon - June 27, 2021
How worry led me to gratitude - June 20, 2021
A birthday, a peony scare, and a baby bunny! - June 13, 2021
It’s time to shut off auto-pilot - June 6, 2021
How the (bleep) is it almost June??? - May 30, 2021
Doubt. Doubt. Let it all out. - May 23, 2021
One thing done, only fifty more to go… - May 16, 2021
When there’s questions with no answers - May 9, 2021
This never fails to delight me - May 2, 2021
The Power of No - April 25, 2021
I couldn’t wake up - April 18, 2021
I’m not ready to go back to "before" - April 11, 2021
A peek behind the curtain - April 4, 2021
A new beginning - March 28, 2021
We are born unpublished - March 21, 2021
The Real Me steps into the light - March 14, 2021
Feeling stuck? Me too - March 7, 2021
Held captive again - February 28, 2021
A new visitor has arrived - February 21, 2021
What have you always loved? - February 14, 2021
Self care tips - February 7, 2021
What can you do in 100 days? - January 31, 2021
When it’s time to stop ignoring the problem - January 24, 2021
Resistance isn’t always a four letter word - January 17, 2021
What does change mean to you? - January 10, 2021
Newsletter Archive - 2019
One last look back - December 27, 2020
On falling behind - December 20, 2020
The things we keep - December 13, 2020
Mistakes will happen - December 6, 2020
Moments Low and High - November 29, 2020
I'm not as kind as I thought - November 22, 2020
It's exhausting being me sometimes - November 15, 2020
Seeking answers yet again… - November 8, 2020
The insanity begins... - November 1, 2020
What would Chewbacca do? - October 25, 2020
Once upon a time… - October 18, 2020
Shut up and take your own advice! - October 11, 2020
I let someone see the real me - October 4, 2020
I'd procrastinate but I don't have the time - September 27, 2020
Feeling guilty when the world is literally on fire - September 20, 2020
If there was a medal for beating myself up - September 13, 2020
Did I choose wisely? - September 6, 2020
Confession: It's the second day in a row that I cried - August 30, 2020
Are we there yet? - August 23, 2020
Why do I suck at this? - August 16, 2020
Facing the storm - August 9, 2020
Feeling like Bilbo Baggins - August 2, 2020